Shakedown #91"
By: Favor, Medic / Morale Officer, [PST]
Stardate: 58203.2 0800
To: All USS Zion Crew
From: Ensign Favor, Morale, Welfare, and Recreation
Subject: Risan Anthropology
Good morning. I'm melancholy, baby. Consider yourself warned.
* * *
Ancient Risans believed that the sky was held up by mountains at the edges of the land. And they didn't have fermented beverages then, either. Just sticks and stones, and the hot sun, and they ate lizards, and skinned their little reptilian lunches and used the skins of them for underwear. I swear I'm not making this up. It took seven lunches to get enough skin for one pair of underpants, and that's where the Risan term, "Change Them Weekly" originated, did you know this?
But the Lesser Tribe has always better, about the sky, and the mountains. The Lesser Tribe has always known that the sky is held up by other people's money. Without it, our atmosphere crashes and burns, and we go back to living as we did 10,000 years ago, when we were merely naked savages. No more good times, no more weekend hooch monkeys, no more fluid wealth.
Risa is a liquid planet in more ways that one, people.
* * *
Someone recently reminded me of home. Do you ever get homesick for things that you never even had? I do. Do they make a pill for that?
I miss the rookery of downy fey-chicks that nested along the cliffs that dropped down to the Sea of Tieran. Their adult feathers are the most vibrant purple shade. Children collect their dropped plumage and sell it to tourists. I did, in my girlhood. Those purple feathers were worth a lot of money, and I wish I had one of those feathers now. It's a liquid color, like you could dip your fingers in and paint the world.
Speaking of plumage, I shaved my head. Did any of you notice? I missed a few spots in the back, I was told. It looks a little patchy. "C'est dommage," I murmured when I saw it. I must say I have complete sympathy now with men who are compelled to comb their thinning hair over, creating (only to themselves) the illusion that they still have any.
So anyway, I went to the replicator. "Computer: Wig me," I said. And you should have seen the blonde fake thing that popped out! "Dammit Jim, I'm a medic, not a hooker," I muttered under my breath (my replicator is nicknamed "Jim").
Jim never gets things right. I swear this is why I never married. Why get married when I can just bicker with Jim about these things?
"Computer: Is this haircut flattering?" I ask him. "Do these pants make my butt look big?"
"Negative," he says. "Affirmative."
Sometimes I wish I could spill a cup of coffee right on you, Jim, I think. Hot coffee.
"Well, Jim," I say, "At least I can grow my hair back. You don't even have any to begin with."
Ha! That'll fix him!
Shakedown #124"
By: Brittany Lindsey, Chief Flight Officer, [PST]
Stardate: 58203.2 0800
Brittany had been on the holodeck on a military scenario when another officer came in.
"Hello Esn.. I dont know your name."
"Esn dave. Call me dave everybody does. I didn't know anybody else was on the holodeck."
"Just having some relaxation."
"This is on earth isn't it?"
"Yes. Area 51.the most secure place in America, at the time. It was beleived to house aliens under a cloud of secrecy."
"You were right about one thing. It was under a cloud of secrecy. But it wasn't the most secure place in america."
"And what was that?"
"Fort Know Kentucky. America's largest bank."
"I got you there too. The Federal Reserve in New York City had about twice as much money as Fort Knox."
"What are you doing in here anyway. I'm undercover as a marine with the 101st airborne division. They just reassigned me to Area 51. I guard the base perimeters."
"Do you want to get something to eat at Maranda's?"
"Ok. Computer end program."
The holodeck walls turned back to their normal color.
They arrived at Maranda's five minutes later.
"So howlong have you been in the Maqius?"
"This is my first assignment. I graduated from SFA and then switched with the Maqius."
"So what dept. do you work in?"
"Security and you."
"Command/Flight control."
Esn Dave report to the securty office.
On my way.
"Well I have to go. I'll see you around Ok?"
"Ok, I got to get some reat anyway.
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