Naked Worms"
By: M'Ressha Mikaht, Fighter Pilot , [RNPC]
Krystal, Hologram, [RNPC]
Maxine Lucinda Tapert, Computer Specialist, [PC]

Stardate: 58205.27 2330

Blitzer returned to the flight control station after briefing Northrop and made himself comfortable for the long flight.

Maxine glanced up from her PADD as Blitzer came back. Krystal was perched on the console in front of her, preening her wings and being unusually quiet. "I've begun passive scans for any sub-space communications and anything else that might hint at Federation activity," she told him.

Blitzer sat back down at the flight control station, "good." He turned and regarded the Pixie, "Is that some sort of toy?"

Maxine regarded the hologram rather critically before answering the pilot. "She's the 'olographic Avatar of my AI program," she explained. "And companion, would be accurate... When she's not giving me th'silent treatment," she added.

Blitzer cocked his ear and looked inquisitively at Krystal, "you don't say." Sitting back he said, "an Avatar huh... what does it do?"

Krystal looked up from the intense study of her wings and blinked at him. Huge blue eyes studied his features and she wrinkled her nose at him. "Krystal. I'm Krystal. hyper-Kinetic * peRpetuallY * suStained * quanTum * Accelerated * Logistics." She announced, writing it out in holographic pixie dust with all the proper letters capitalized and bolded.

Max looked between the two and quirked a brow at the hologram before turning back to Blitzer. "She processes, correlates, and manipulates raw data. She also runs diagnostics and constantly monitors for foreign code," she explained. "In her holographic Avatar state, she's a pig-headed pixie suffering from all the pixie parameters I could program into her...."

Krystal didn't look at Maxine as she recited, "Pixie: imPulsive * Insecure * eXcitable * Impish * faErie..." The K.R.Y.S.T.A.L. anagram was replaced with the P.I.X.I.E. one, again complete with emphasis on the correct letters.

Blitzer leaned forward and chuckled lightly as he inspected her, "It looks like a toy." he said nodding.

"A posable doll?" Maxine laughed. "At the very least a toy that talks back."

"I am not a toy," Krystal told Blitzer, completely ignoring Max. "But I'm cute," she grinned up at him and then had Maxine rolling her eyes when she announced; "And I have pert breasts."

Blitzer leaned forward, "Well indeed you do, nice to meet you Krystal," said Blitzer as he sat down at the flight controls.

"I don't know that much about computers," he said with a perpetual smile, "I just fly."

"I know how to activate the navigational systems and turn on the auto-pilot," the pixie offered helpfully.

"Ahem..." Max cleared her throat. "We don't know much about flying. We just work on computers."

Blitzer made some minor course corrections and then leaned toward Krystal. "Would you like to activate the auto-pilot for me?"

Krystal blinked and stared at him for a moment. "OooH! Yes!" she exclaimed and scrambled to her feet, bouncing on her toes a little and fluttering her wings in excitement. A shower of pixie dust accompanied her antics and she rose up on tiptoes almost expectantly, looking for all the world like she was going to take off... And then she just sagged and let out a heartfelt sigh... Her shoulders slumped and her wings drooped... Even her hair looked suddenly limp as the pixie portrayed the perfect picture of dejection. "Can't..." she scuffed her toe on the console.

"You can't?"

The pixie hologram extended an arm and finger, pointing them directly at Max and looking like the Accusation Faerie of Doom. "*She* won't let me."

Maxine looked over at Blitzer, shifted the isolinear chip in her mouth and smiled a little wryly as she shrugged one shoulder. "She had worms... Intercepted them in the Zion's computer and I had to take her offline," she explained. "I'm just running the final debugging program on her now."

"She made me... *shut down*," Krystal shuddered and Pixie dust shimmered around her.

"Worms!?" exclaimed Blitzer. "Why you poor thing," he said with a tone of voice that was slightly patronizing and totally lost on the pixie judging from the look on her face and the fact that she inched closer to him.

Blitzer tapped the console and activated the autopilot and then leaned back in his chair, "What were worms doing in the Zion's computer?" He said with a slightly confused look, "I don't get it."

"Some nasty little innocuous looking self-replicating code that 'ad all th'earmarks of that 'ack, Birkoff," Maxine told him. "Luckily Pixie caught it before it got into th'navigational system which is where it was headed once it was triggered."

"Birkoff huh? A bunch of us boys would have liked to get our paws on him," said Blitzer extending his claws from his paw.

Max and Krystal both blinked at the display of his claws. Krystal's eyes got huge and she uttered an expressive, "Ooooohhhh..." Maxine eyes got huge too, and she smirked as she uttered a, "Bloody cool. I'd like a piece of that blighter m'self," she snorted softly.

"So it made the little faerie sick?" he said with concern.

Krystal presented a pathetic looking picture and Maxine eyed her before nodding. "Aye, it did. She started exhibiting all kinds of erratic behavior. VERY erratic," Max clarified. "Then she hacked up a hairball of worms when I had her run a diagnostics..." She wrinkled her nose to show how odd *that* had been.

Blitzer shook his head and leaned closer to the pixie, "I hope you feel better real soon."

The pixie hologram blinked and grinned as she leaned closer to him. "Thank you. I feel all better now. Maxine worries. And she has to run a plethora of diagnostic programs," she confided.

"Speaking of diagnostics...in flight status?"

"Maxine looked up slightly before responding with, "Everything is well within normal parameters," she answered. "The scans aren't picking anything up either."

"All is well here," said Blitzer, "autopilot is deviating less than .001% which is normal for the gravimetrics of this region. He swiveled out of his chair. "I'm going to go get something from the replicator, can I get you anything?"

"Ooohh... 'ot chocolate, please," Maxine smiled at him.

"I like nectar," Krystal told him.

"Shush. Y'can't drink anyway," Max reminded her, and then totally distracted the winged creature by announcing, "but it looks like you're clean... Then she turned back to Blitzer. "Just the 'ot chocolate, please."

Blitzer returned with Max's order, a quick check of systems, all was well. He settled back into his chair taking care with his tail.

A long silence passed. Blitzer watched the stars blazing past. "So are you...uhm.. human?" he asked, "You have an unusual accent."

Maxine had been watching the totally silent pixie as she sat wide-eyed and unfocused while she re-accessed the computer system. Max was also monitoring her for any unusual signs. But Blitzer's question had her turning to smile at him, her body shifting so that she was now facing him more fully.

"Aye. Born and raised in New Zealand," she told him. "What about you? Do y'find it 'ard being in an environment that's predominantly geared for 'umans?" she asked curiously.

"I do okay" he said, "Federation uniforms take some getting used to of course, and the Zion has a custom LCARS configuration adapted to our paws." He paused and then felt compelled to add, "I'm really a fighter pilot you know," he said turning his head slightly toward Max."

Maxie shifted the chip in her mouth and shook her head. "I didn't y'know. M'not overly familiar with th'crew. I do better with computers and code," she admitted. "Is your jet geared to you?" She was very curious, but not obnoxiously so.

"No, not particularly, fortunately, the cockpit is spacious enough."

"Well, that's good... But can't it be altered?" she wondered. He could almost see the wheels turning in her head. "I don't 'ave th'slightest idea what th'cockpit of a fighter looks like..." she realized out loud. "I'll 'ave to look into that... But engineerin's not my thing really," she admitted and then realized she was rambling and stopped. "Sorry... I think aloud sometimes," she told him.

"Quite alright," said Blitzer, "It would nice if it could...." his voice trailed off.

"How about you? What do you like to do? I bet you write great holonovels or something" he said with a smirk.

That made her blink and then laugh as she shook her head. "Nono... Computers. And Code... I *love* code..." The emphasis on the word was almost sensual. "Did you know that everythin' can be reduced to code? Oh... And puzzles and climbing... I enjoy those too."

"I guess code makes the universe go 'round" he said. He turned to Max, "oh, oh.. It looks like we have some random concentrations of metaphasic radiation. See if we need to recalibrate the cloak matrix."

"Roight..." Max turned to the task as hand, her fingers hardly moving over the console. "It does make th'universe go 'round," she commented almost absently. And then she and Krystal began talking at the same time and saying the same thing, the pixie almost an echo of Max's voice. "Cloak matrix recalibrated by .0423 percent." Then Max's voice slowly died out and Krystal's continued. "Holding steady with the new harmonics frequency."

"You to make quite a team," said Blitzer leaning over to the pixie.

Krystal blinked and focused on him. A grin split her face a she leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially and with a slight flutter of wings; "She's my 'yes' man."

Maxine snorted and glanced down at the pixie. "You been in the data archives again?" she asked her and then looked at Blitz. "I think she found some porn the other day."

"Porn? Is that like worms too," asked Blitzer.

Maxine blinked and looked at the two faces gazing at her and looking for an answer. "Crikey..." she muttered and for the first time in years, her cheeks pinkened. "Probably... But they'd be *naked* worms..." she told him.

With an utterly confused look on his face, Blitzer looked at the pixie and then back at Maxine. His ears cocked forward and darted back and forth inquisitively, "Aren't all worms naked?"

Maxine looked from one to the other of them and grunted softly. "I.... Well... Technically yes," she agreed. "But it was more of a.... It's hard to explain... It's all about naked... And uhhh... you know... Sex..." she moved a hand expressively.

Krystal's eyes got huge and she listened, enraptured and in full -learning- mode.

"Perhaps sometime you can show me this...porn."

That made Maxine blink and her cheeks turned a deep rose. "Uhhh... I don't think that's a coed activity...." which was probably the silliest thing she'd said in a long while.

"But..." the little pixie hologram began, stopping at the look on Max's face. "She's turning red!" she squealed and pointed.

Blitzer looked directly at the pixie, "is she feeling ok?"

"I don't know!" the pixie answered in agitation as she began to pace. "I don't have tricorder capabilities," she told him. "You better check her.... Or call the doctor!!!"

"Crikey..." Max tried to sink further into her chair. "There is *nothing* wrong with me," she told them, making a face at the pair of them. "We just need to stop talking about porn is all."

"This porn, it seems to have quite an effect on you. Do all humans respond this way?"

"Oh god gods...." Max drew in a breath and gave them both a look. "I don't know... It's not like I ever *talked* to anyone about that kind of thing. I just thought she got into some because she kept going on about perfect pert breasts," she indicated the pixie who looked from her creator to Blitz.

Blitzer chuckled lightly.

"Maxine has perfect breasts. And they're pert," Krystal told him seriously and with a little nod and sparkle of dust.

Blitzer instinctively craned his head and looked at Maxine's breast and then turned back to the pixie, "...they are," he said, "for a human. And so are yours, for a pixie," he said with a smile.

"Gah!" Maxine just as instinctively cupped her breasts with her hands to cover them, while Krystal struck a pose that accentuated hers.

"Why thank you," Krystal preened.

"Crikey..." Max rolled her eyes. But now she was curious.... "What did you mean, 'for a human'?"

Blitzer stammered, "uhm, ah...well, ehem.. they're well...you know, uhm, human females, for example, tend to have larger breasts than say the females of my species," he said as he adjusted the collar on his uniform.

Oh good, now it was his turn to feel uncomfortable and Maxine couldn't help but wonder if Cait's blushed too. She knew her own cheeks were red. She shifted her arms to cross under her breasts as she regarded him, totally oblivious to the way it drew attention to them. "Do they only have two?" she asked, still curious despite her embarrassment.

"Well, sort of" said Blitzer matter of factly, "our females tend to have four to six nipples. The upper most pair look very similar to human breasts, but tend to be much smaller. The other nipples aren't as obvious."

He shifted slightly in his seat.

Maxine tried to imagine having all those nipples.... Then imagined what it would be like when she got cold... which made her own automatically respond... which was freaky and had her rubbing her arms over them to make it stop... "Crikey...." she grumbled. "Are they.... well.. functional?" she asked and shifted a little in her own seat.

"No, our anthropologist say it is an evolutionary throwback," he shrugged with a gesture, "whatever that means," he said glancing sideways toward Max.

Krystal was rubbing her hands up and down her rib cage. "I could do that."

Blitzer chuckled and shook his head, "silly little faerie..."

"Don't start sprouting more nipples," Max told her and glanced over to Blitz. "I think it means you're supposed to 'ave litters..." she offered. "Uhh... do ya?"

"Litters?"

Max blinked and looked at him like he just spouted six nipples of his own. But that thought had her wondering if he *did* have them because male cats do. And she couldn't help glancing to HIS chest and a little lower.... When she realized where she was looking she pulled her gaze back up to his face with a start... "Uhhh...y'know... more than one... like four or five...."

"Ah, oh... well," said Blitzer scratching his head thoughtfully, "I understand our reproductive behavior is similar to humans. We typically give birth to one, rarely more than two. The caitian gestation period is somewhat shorter.

"I'm no biologist," said Blitzer looking over Max, "...but I'd guess we're much the same....uhm..are you cold?"

Max's gaze went down to her chest and she grunted softly as she crossed her arms over her breasts when she spotted the reason for his question. "Uhh... noooo... I was just thinking about what it would be like if I *was* and had... yanno... lots of nipples..." She even shivered a bit and glanced down at his chest again. "Ummmm... do you?" she couldn't help but ask, and the question had Krystal peering at Blitzer's chest too.

"uhm, well... yeah...right here," he said rubbing a spot near the bottom of his rib cage, "some males develop six, but most just four." Feeling a little awkward, he added, "you can't hardly see them though."

"I can't see them at all!" Max squeaked and couldn't help looking where he was rubbing. Then she jerked her gaze away and snapped it up to his face. "I mean.... you're right, they aren't noticeable... I think it's a .... feline thing," she told him, and then out of the blue wondered if he purred... which was just a strange thought to have.

"Its ok..." he said, "there are many biological similarities through out the universe."

"Uh... I know... er... I mean I don't know.... Really..." Max stammered a bit. "I don't usually pay attention...."

Meanwhile Krystal was craning to see, leaning over and fluttering her wings to keep from toppling off the console as she looked at Blitz's chest. "Do they get cold like Maxine's?" she asked curiously, not in the least concerned with convention or anyone's embarrassment because she didn't understand the concept.

Blitzer chuckled, "I suppose."

If Max was anything, it was impulsive and rather vocal, generally talking before thinking. And now wasn't any different as the question kept repeating in her mind. "Do you purr?"

He took a sip of the beverage he brought back from the replicator, and sheepishly replied with a sigh, "our species purrs, but we learn not to. Its a mental discipline."

"But..." Max blinked in confusing. "Why not? I mean... why? I mean... crikey... what's wrong with purring?"

"Well, I guess we're taught that its not an appropriate display to off world cultures. I guess we do when our species is...you know.. intimate.

"Chester The Cat purrs. I like purring," Krystal announced.

"Me too," Max automatically. "I wonder why it's not appropriate?" she asked.

"Oh, Chester? the Captain's cat?" he said somewhat contemptuously, "I wonder how the captain would feel if I had a...." Blitzer slowed to say the word, "chimp-pan-zee."

Max and Krystal both blinked as they looked at him. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see that he was a little sensitive about the Captain's cat... "Having a cat's a bad thing, huh?" Max asked, uncharacteristically understanding. She usually just didn't notice stuff like that... But Blitzer just seemed to be somehow more.... expressive... or easier for her to understand..

"I'm sorry, the whole idea of keeping felines as pets is awkward to me."

"Heh... I can understand that," Max smiled. "Although I like cats....." She blinked and her cheeks pinkened. "I didn't.... I mean... uhh..." she let out her breath with a soft grunt. It was a testament as to how Maxine's mind worked that she went from cat's as pets to intimacy, but she somehow managed it. And then of course, the whole thought of 'his' species being intimate looped her mind back around to the beginning of their conversation in a sort of odd, convoluted way. "I'm not so sure that human porn is gonna be... uhhhh.... y'know... very interesting for a Cait."

Blitzer made a clicking-snapping sound with his nails, "I get it, porn is a visual representation designed to arouse the mating instincts."

"It DOES?" Krystal squeaked and looked at Max with a 'Wow! Can I see??' expression.

Max scowled at her and turned her attention to Blitz. "Yeah... pretty much... But I think it's mostly... y'know... a guy thing...."

"It still sounds better than naked worms, I'll have to ask my wing man about that when we get back to the Zion."

Blitzer's console blinked, he keyed some commands into he LCARS panel, and turned to Max, "Gravimeteric fluctuations returning to normal recompensate the cloak?"

"Roger," she smiled glad to be off the whole porn/intimacy/nipple/purring thing and back onto something she was WAY more comfortable with. It was only a moment before her and Krystal were dueting once again; "Cloak at optimum performance."

"What is that?" asked Blitzer.

"What is 'what'?" she asked, glancing back over at him.

"That thing on your head right there," he said pointing to Max's head.

"Oh..." her hand reached up and her fingertips ran gently over the small metal object shaped like a crescent moon. "It's a neural interface," she told him.

"What? Like a computer thing," he asked.

"Yeah, lets me talk directly to the computer," Max told him. "Y'can touch it if y'want," she smiled a little, surprising herself at the offer that just seemed to blurt out. She normally wasn't one for physical contact.

Blitzer scooted closer to her, his pad softly traced the external connector as he examined it closely. "Does it hurt?"

Max shivered a little at his touch. "Well... not really... I get lag sometimes cause m'brain goes faster than th'computer does... And then I get 'eadaches," she admitted. "But th'doc gave me something for them."

"So it connects directly to your brain?" he asked, letting Max's hair slowly sift back into place through his paw.

"Yeah..." Maxine blinked and looked sideways at him, not wanting to move and disturb his paw.

Blitzer looked awe-struck, "I didn't know that could be done. Did the Maquis do it for you?"

"My parents, actually.... Although th'Maquis updated it when I joined," she answered quietly.

"What's it like to talk to a computer through that," he asked.

"Like...." Maxine tried to think of how to explain it and her hand lifted back up to touch the device, her fingers brushing lightly against his when she did. The movement pulled back the sleeve of her uniform enough to expose the scars marring rather delicate looking wrists. "Like thinkin'... Only smoother," she told him. "Before I've formed th'coherent thought enough to say it in my head, th'computer is already beginnin' to respond to what I want."

Blitzer gently took her hand into his paw. With his other paw he gently caressed the area that was scarred. His nostrils flared and his pupils dilated, "Have you been tortured?"

She couldn't speak. No one had touched her like that since her mother and her fingers curled instinctively around his. Her eyes finally dropped from his face to her hand in his and after a soft grunt she shook her head. "No..." she answered with a whisper. "I did it... when I was ten. I thought I could.... become part of my computer system if I could just plug into it... It was my best friend, y'see.... Well, my only friend," she admitted with a wry little smile.

The caitian's heart went out to her, he was at loss for words. He squeezed her hand assuringly, "I understand," he said.

A long quiet moment passed while a myriad of emotions crossed over Max's featured. What he'd said actually surprised her and she looked at him in a rather strange way. He was the only person who had ever said they understood. And what an odd feeling that produced inside the computer expert.

Suddenly Max's console blipped and came to life. "What is it?" asked Blitzer.

Maxine turned her head to look at the computer console and her hands reluctantly slipped from his. "Ohhh.... Long range sensors are detectin' a Sovereign class vessel in orbit around Pacifica." It was the dual Max/Krystal announcement again, with the little pixie's voice just barely echoing Max's.

"That's impossible; the Maquis decimated the Federation's ability to produce such a ship."

"Maybe th'Federation didn't produce it," she glanced at him.

"I'd better go notify the Intel officer."

"A'roight. I'll see if I can get a registry ID on 'er...." she told him.

"I'll be right back."

Her eyes followed him as he slipped from his seat and headed towards the back of the shuttle. "He likes you," Krystal told her after he'd left.

Maxine blinked and gave her a *look*. "Oh, roight," she snorted and shook her head, going back to what she was doing.

"You like him," the little pixie added with a grin.

"Oh, go run a bloody diagnostics or somethin'," Max glared at her. "Better yet... compare that ship's signature with all known Sovereign class vessels."

"Aye, aye, Ma'am!" Krystal saluted. "You like him," she singsong'd and then giggled, blinking from sight when Max tried to swat her. "Bloody pixie."