What do you do when the Ghosts won't let go? "
By: Patia Zoei, Chief Counselor, [PC]
Dr. Alyssa Caitlin Northrop, Intel Officer, [PST]

Stardate: 58205.16 2300

The only sound in the room was that of breathing. It's pace was rapid and shallow. There was a slight chill to the air in the room, but the lone occupant had broken out in a sweat. She shivered under her covers, but it was not from any cold.

Alyssa's eyes darted back and forth under her eyelids, watching some scene unfold before them. She began to thrash a bit in her bed for a moment, then calmed again.

Inside her mind, Northrop was running. Running through a dense, lush jungle. She knew this place. It was near a set of temple ruins outside the capital city of the Zartec Confederation. She also knew what was happening.

The ground shook under her feet as she was chased. She had come here to study the ruins and had found clues leading her deeper into the temple. Inside, she found inscriptions that told of a very important icon hidden there. After several days of searching, she had found the icon....and set in motion a sort of defence mechanism.

Alyssa didn't know how the thing worked.....nor how to stop it. What she did know is that the giant robot was pretty much impervious to phaser fire and fixated on retrieving the icon she had clutched in her hand. That had led her to her current situation.

She continued to run, branches of trees slapping at her upper body while the under brush cut at her legs. There was no where to go......nothing she could do except keep running. Running till either the Golem gave up...or she couldn't run anymore and it got her.

Suddenly the Intel officer jolted upright in bed.....panting for air, sweat tickling down her back. It took a moment of looking around before she realized just where she was. She'd been dreaming again....like a highlight reel of her life's closest calls. What the hell was going on here?

"Computer....time," she croaked out.

"The time is 2315 hours."

Slipping out of bed and into a robe, she went to the replicator and retrieved a glass of water. "Computer....locate Counselor Zoei."

"Counselor Zoei is in her quarters."

The glass began to shake in her hand.....so she put it down. What could she do? Apparently her mind had other ideas about sleep than she did right now.

Alyssa hugged herself....then reached over and pressed a button on her desk. "Northrop to Zoei. Um...Patia...I know it's late.....and I know you're off duty. But would it be possible for you and I to talk?"

Her voice, though no longer cracked, sounded small and scared. She needed to see a friendly face....someone to help her figure out what was going on. Obviously there was more going on in her subconscious than concern over taking a promotion test.

Zoei jolted awake, instantly alert. The voice she heard was not the normal voice of Dr. Northrop. Of course, Alyssa. Where would you like to visit?

It took a moment for Alyssa to answer. She ran her right hand through her tangled dark brown hair. "Um...if it wouldn't be too much trouble, I could come there? I'm really sorry I woke you up.....but I didn't know what else to do."

Do you know where my quarters are? I will be waiting for your arrival. It is no trouble at all for me to be up. I will be happy to help you.

"Thank you, Patia." She killed the comm channel and looked down at the floor. Heading back into the bedroom, she pulled on some clothes. A few minutes later, she was standing in front of Patia Zoei's door. She reached out and pressed the chime. Alyssa looked like she'd just been in a shuttle wreck. She was a complete mess.

Quickly, Patia dressed in a fresh uniform. She twisted her hair into a smooth knot and slid an antique gold clip into the middle to hold it all in place. Efficiently, she tidied up her quarters. As she pulled the bed clothes tight over the pillows, the door chimed.

"Enter," Patia called softly.

Alyssa stepped into the room and looked around. "Holy Cow....you were asleep like 5 minutes ago."

She felt a little non-plussed seeing the state of her friend's quarters...and the state of her friend. "That's amazing, Patia.....really."

"You haven't met my mother," Patia winked. "She was the wife of a diplomat and a certain presence was required. She used to run drills to see how fast I could get ready. There was no dawdling in front of the mirror at her house," Patia chuckled.

"You look very tired. Have a seat, Alyssa," Patia gestured toward several chairs in a cozy corner of her quarters. "Did you want something to drink? Or a snack?"

Alyssa sat down in the chair, then tucked her feet up under her body. "No thank you, Patia. I'm fine. I just need to talk to a friend."

She smiled feintly, "Well, I guess I should get started. Last night and tonight I've been having dreams....well, maybe it would be better to call them nightmares. Last night I relived what could probably be classified as the worst day of my life.....and tonight my mind kept replaying all the tight situations I've found myself in over the years. I'm not sure why. At first I thought that I was telling myself to take the Chief Warrant Officer's Test. But now...with this newest gambit of bad dreams...I'm not so sure if I was right about that first one. I just don't know why I would choose now of all times to relive these events."

Tears began to form in her eyes, "Gods...I hope you never have to see or experience some of the things I've witnessed. So many people died....and they were relying on me."

Patia tucked her feet under herself as she settled into her chair. She propped her chin on her hand. "Would you like to talk about what happened?"

She sighed, "I'm not sure where to start."

"Well....I guess I'll start with the first dream. It was a few years before the war started. I was still in school....and my Mentor and I were out on a dig on the planet Pella V." Alyssa quickly wiped a tear, then

continued. "A group of locals didn't like the fact that we were poking around in the ruins there. After weeks of causing trouble.....they took it to the next level and staged a full scale attack. They took us all hostage. We spent a week under lock and key....till Professor Morita and I were able to make a break for it."

Northop paused a moment, collecting herself. "The locals chased us down. While we were running, Professor Morita was shot. It was a lucky shot. After that, it didn't take long for them to catch us. Their leader's name was Nolan.....and as my mentor lay in the dirt under the tree canopy....he yanked me to my feet and put a knife to my throat." She sniffed back tears, "He was going to kill me.....and he nearly did. I didn't know it...but my Brother's ship had been called in. Robby beamed in with a security team and saved me. Only....he was a little late. Nolan actually slit my throat. But he was in a hurry and didn't get all the way in. He nicked the artery."

"Robby had us beamed up to the Perseus' sickbay...but they couldn't save Professor Morita."

"That must have been very hard for you. How do you feel about what happened?" Patia shifted forward slightly. The story was obviously hard for the young woman to tell. Her emotions were emanating in waves from her.

"How do I feel? That was the absolute worst moment of my life. But I don't know why I'm reliving it in my dreams, Patia.....I mean, I thought I knew....but after tonight, I don't know anymore. Why would my mind pick now to drege up these memories?"

"It is hard to say why our minds do what they do. You just got back from a Klingon exchange. Is it possible something that happened there triggered your memories? Or did the exchange remind you of a fact finding mission, similar to a dig?" Patia asked softly.

Alyssa thought about that for a moment. Nothing specifically came to mind.....thought there was one thing...but that couldn't be it. Could it?

"Aboard the Klingon Ship...I was acting First Officer. I was responsible for a whole lot of others.....but that's not new, Patia....I've been leading digs for years. Why would a leadership role all of the sudden make my subconscious go haywire?"

"Alyssa, it is hard to say why anything triggers our self conscious. If you think about the people who reported to you, were there any emotions present that reminded you of the time of the attack?"

"Maybe a feeling of failure....for feeling like I failed them. A feeling of guilt." She looked down at her knees. "Patia...they died because I didn't see some angle...and now it's getting ready to happen again."

"What do you think is going to happen, Alyssa?" Patia asked. She shifted slightly and pulled her leg to her chest. She leaned her chin on her knee as she listened.

"That's the thing....I don't know what's going to happen. I'm afraid I'll fail again and more people will die. I...I don't want any more blood on my hands because I didn't see something important that I should have." Alyssa rubbed her face hard. "I've never been like this. I mean...I've continued to go on digs. Why is this bothering me now?"

"Did you have any feelings of failure while you were with the Klingons?" Patia asked.

Looking at Patia, "No...that's the thing. Nothing really happened to my knowledge while I was aboard the Klingon ship. I did a lot of paperwork and personnel assignments while I was aboard. Beyond the whole eat, drink and be honorable thing." Alyssa laughed just a little, "That's why I don't understand where this came from. Taking a test shouldn't be doing this to me....but it's the only explaination."

"Are you approaching the time of year when the incident with your professor took place? Or an anniversary of a date that would have relevance to him at all?" Patia adjusted her position so she leaned slightly more forward.

Alyssa thought a moment, then shook her head. "If that were the cause...why would my mind choose to bring up the other incidents...the other times where people's lives were in danger?"

Northrop sat there a moment....and wondered what the heck was going on inside her head. Why was she acting this way? She wasn't the type to do this? But then why was this happening? She looked up at Patia...and something began to flick inside her mind. It started small....then grew till it was a full blown idea. Here she was...sitting in Patia Zoei's den in the middle of the night...yammering about dreams that bothered her. And Patia was listening. Could that be it? Nothing else made any sense.

"I think I know what the problem is." She sighed, "And I know what the solution is."

"What do you think it is, Alyssa?" Patia asked. As she watched, there was a change that came over the person in front of her. She sat a little straighter, the puzzled look was fading from her eyes.

"You. You're the solution....or at least part of it, Patia." Alyssa smiled. "It makes sense now....sorta in it's own screwed up Alyssa Northrop way. Only a friend would let someone wake them up in the middle of the night to talk about dreams. I'm not entirely sure why my mind felt the need to prove this to me just now....but maybe it was just trying to keep me from screwing this up. The last real friend I had was Professor Morita. That was the first dream....and the second, that was showing me how well going it alone had gone. So yeah....maybe the first dream was telling me to go for the promotion.....but the second one was telling me to let someone in....to let someone be my friend. So I have someone to ask for help from....like I did a little while ago."

Northrop smirked, "I'm probably going to need it."

"So what do you think, Counselor? A plausible explaination...or am I full of it?" Alyssa vaguely wondered if Patia would understand the reference. Few people recognized old Earth sayings.

"Definitely a plausible explanation, and I wouldn't say you are full of it. I have met people who are full of it, and you don't quite fit the description," Patia smiled slightly. "How do you feel now that you have figured out what the dreams meant?"

The archeologist returned the smile. "I think I feel better....assuming that I actually have solved this little mystery of the mind. Guess all I really needed was for someone to listen to me babble."

"Sometimes that is the best medicine. I am happy to see you looking more relieved." Patia noticed Alyssa's posture was a little more relaxed and her facial features did not show the tension which had been so patently obvious when she came in.

"Well...when we get back to DS9...I mean Qul'Tuq, I'm going to take you out and we'll have somoe fun ok? To make up for the lost sleep." Leaning forward, Alyssa took Patia's hands in her own, then looked into her friend's eyes. "Thank you, Patia. Thank you very much."

That said, the archeologist stood. "I should be going. We've both got some sleeping to do....and shift in a few hours."