Oh Boy part II
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By: Giuseppe Silvio, Chief Engineer, [RNPC]
Patia Zoei, Chief Counselor, [PC]
Stardate: 58205.10 1830
Silvio and Patia rode the turbolift in silence to Deck 8. Silvio felt like a failure. He was now certain that he should have kept his mouth shut. Patia had not said anything and he could not tell what state of mind she was in. Silvio had no idea what was going to happen next but he decided he would rather face a court martial than have this conversation.
Patia leaned against the wall of the turbolift, again. This time, the ride felt infinitely longer that just a half hour before. Silvio's news had blind sided her. She had thought he was interested in a friendship. Now, he says he has "feelings". Well, "feelings" is a term that can be rather loosely applied to many different types of feelings. He had already stated he had led a life where he had a girl in every port. She was not going to be the girl for this voyage.
At deck 8 they left the turbolift. Silvio followed her back to her office. A sence of dredd fill every fibre of Silvio's being. He did not know what came over him. He felt like a silly child. What in the world was he doing.
Patia slowly walked to one of the sofas. She slid off her shoes and tucked her feet underneath her. A large pillow was sitting next to her. She tugged it onto her lap and pulled it against her chest. She raised her eyes to look at him for the first time. Silvio stood next to the couch opposite the one she sat on.
Silvio looked at Patia, who still had not spoken to him. Silvio crossed the room and sat down next to her on the couch making sure that there was enough space between them so that he did not make her feel more uncomfortable than she already was. "Listen, I'm sorry," he began. "I did not mean to offend you."
Patia turned slightly. She had not expected him to sit on the same couch as her. With her back against the arm rest, she pulled her knees up in front of her. "I am not offended. I am very surprised and I am a little confused. What do you mean you have feelings for me?"
"I do not know how to describe it. It started when I first met you. Do you remember that day," Silvio asked.
"In Sick Bay?" Patia asked.
"Yes, it all started there withg that meeting." Silvio was not sure how to explain it.
"How so?"
"You rejected me. I tried to put a move on you and you put me in my place." Silvio smiled. "It is not the first time that I have been rejected, but it is the first time that it well... it hurt." Silvio paused as if reliving the memory. "After that I thought about you often, however, eventually I talked myself into believing that it was nothing. Then we had the prisoner revolt and I spent some time with you. All those feelings came back with serious intensity. I did not sleep at all after our talk last night. I don't understand it. I have never felt like this before."
"All of this because you felt rejected in Sick Bay?" Patia shifted slightly. "We have had a handfull of meetings, half of them have been counseling sessions, Silvio. I understand you have feelings, and I am not trying to downplay them, but we haven't had a chance to get to know each other outside of last night."
"Exactly, and I am looking forward to getting to know you, to becoming your friend." Silvio shrugged, "I do not know if we will ever become more than just friends but I hope so."
"You had contact with several people in Sick Bay. There is Dr. Dane, Ensign Favor, why would you feel this way about me and not them?"
Silvio shrugged again. "I don't know. They are both nice people but I do not feel for them as I do your you." Silvio paused. "Favor has spent a good deal of her time fixing me up but it has never crossed my mind that I might want a relationship with her and Doctor Dane is nice and all but to be honest, I do not think she and I would get along too well."
Patia shook her head. "I just don't see how you picked me, or why. Don't forget, we have already talked about your girl in every port, Silvio. That isn't my style."
"I am glad that is not your style. I wish it had not been my style." Silvio sighed. "Patia, I find you to be a intelligent and very attractive person. I like being with you and I care about what happens to you. That is something that I cannot say about those other girls. To be honest, most of them would probably have had a celebration if I had been killed by the Cardassian."
Patia pulled her knees closer to her chest. The pillow was wedged tightly against her. She pulled it out and propped it on top of her knees. She smoothed her hands over the top. "What are your expectations?"
"I have no expectations Patia. I hope that we will be come great friends and if that friendship turns into something more than that... Well, I can only hope. No expectations." Silvio smiled at Patia.
"There are a few things you should know about me, Silvio, before you think about a friendship, much less anything else. We talked, very briefly, about Lucio last night. You need to understand a little more about that. The harsh reality is, Lucio died because he was my bonded mate. He was cruelly tortured, then murdered, all to make a political point to my father. The worst part of this situation, for my mother, was that I knew when he died. When a Betazid is born, they do not have their empathic abilities. As a Betazid ages, those abilities develop. Any development, at all, before the age of fourteen, is terrible in our culture. Normally, it is a sign of a mental illness or deficiency. Silvio, I was nine when Lucio died. I was five years from the magic age where empathic abilities are acceptable." Patia's voice dropped, the intensity of her feelings and emotions were plainly written on her face. "Silvio, I knew when Lucio died. I felt his pain, I heard his screams, and I knew the moment he died. A part of me died, too. A blank, empty, gaping hole was fixated in my heart and soul where he used to be. Now, to tell you something I never told even my parents, because this would probably still kill my mother."
Patia shifted so her legs were in front of her, tailor style. She braced her palms against the inside of her knees. "This wasn't the first time I had experienced those empathic feelings. It was just the first time I was caught. Prior to Lucio's death, the occurrences were rare and usually centered on him and particularly emotional times for him. For example, I felt his joy at the time of his birthday celebration. Occasionally, I would feel snatches of connection to my brother. When he was at University and his anxiety was high prior to testing or the posting of his grades, I would feel it. Once Lucio was gone, the flood gates opened. Although how I deal with my abiliites is more refined, I can't say it is stronger now than it was when I was nine or ten."
Patia leaned forward. "I have been through a battery of psychological tests to ensure my suitability for what I do. I purposefully sought more than was required. My entire life, since Lucio died, I have lived with the knowledge that I am not normal, that I am a cultural freak that even my parents don't completely trust. No one, Silvio, gets too close to me because they do not want to be tainted with my stigma. I would never be able to bond with another from home. You need to think about that before you think about any relationship, even friendship."
Patia settled back against the arm of the couch. Her eyes were slightly narrowed as she watched him. Of all the people she had met, he was the one she wasn't able to get a firm reading on. She could feel emotions, but couldn't get a complete feel for what he was thinking or feeling. It was a little unsettling, if she was honest with herself.
Silvio studied Patia's face. He could see the sadness in her eyes. He could not even begin to comprehend the tragedy she had sent through. "Patia, I am sorry about Lucio, that is very horrible. I cannot even begin to understand what you went though." He paused searching for words, "Even having heard all of that I still see no freak." Silvio continued to watch Patia as he spoke. "I see a beautiful woman."
He has been labeled a freak most of his life as well. Actually, his label was "child prodigy". There were many times in his life he wished he could have been born dumb as a box of rocks. He never got to spend time with children his own age. He was always advanced and always too busy. He felt cheated out of a major portion of his childhood. Although this was different that what happened to Patia, he knew all too well what stigmas were all about.
"I am not concerned about being tainted by anything. If that is what being your friend gets me then, I will walk that path with you." Truth be told Silvio thought is was silly that a society would be so cruel to someone who had suffered such a tragedy and at such a young age. It was clear to Silvio, who looked at everything from the point of view of an engineer that the early onset of her "abilities" were caused by the nature of the bond she shared with Lucio and it's tragic disruption. There was a reason for everyting in Silvio's mind and he strongly suspected in his final hours Lucio had reached out to the one person he cared about the most. Patia. Silvio was no expert on the Betazid mind but he felt this strongly. It was not right that this tragedy should forever brand Patia a freak. Silvio moved closer to Patia on the couch and gently reached out and placed his hand over hers. "I am sorry."
Patia glanced down. Silvio's large hand covered her smaller one. Slowly, she raised her eyes until they met Silvio's. "Thank you," she whispered.