Shakedown #153"
By: Patia Zoei, Chief Counselor, [PC]
Favor, Medic / Morale Officer, [PST]
Stardate: 58203.01 0900
The door whooshed open, sounding softly on the carpeted floor. Zoei, hand on her chest, was standing just inside the door. Ensign Favor paced just outside. Her head jerked up, as though startled from deep thought when the door opened.
“Come in, Ensign,” Zoei invited, stepping back from the doorway. Her hand dropped away from her chest, but nervously smoothed the material of her uniform along her forearm. She noticed the moisture on her palms, and rubbed her hand more vigorously against her sleeve.
As Favor stepped across the threshold of her office, Zoei gestured toward the cozy chairs on the side of the room. This was bound to be a hot coffee conversation, she could feel it already. She trailed Favor, pausing at the replicator. “Coffee, black, hot.”
“Ensign, would you like anything?” Zoei asked.
"What I would like is not something you can get from a replicator, Counselor," Favor replied.
Zoei walked to her favorite chair, breathing in the scent of the special blend. She settled into her chair, facing Favor. Her coffee cup cradled in her palms, she leaned forward, ready for the conversation that was about to begin.
"I was just working on my latest MWR memo. Maybe you got it. It dredged up a sour memory for me," Favor said. "See, I bought this used holo-book, and this beeping beep ripped me off."
She lifted her hair and shook it out, and collapsed back into the soft cushions, weary from her days in Sick Bay. "It's a long story, never mind," she said, making shooing motions with her hands. "But speaking of sour memories...."
There was a pause in the conversation. Zoei leaned further in and said, “Yes?”
"I'm sorry about the other day. It's your perfume. My mother wore that perfume, and I haven't thought of her in a long time, and then I came in here, and smelled the air in here..." Favor shrugged. "It was as if she was right here in the room with me."
“My mother wore that perfume as well. When I went back to Betazid for my continued education, she gave me my first bottle of it. Believe it or not,” Zoei said with a chuckle, “I had a horrible time leaving my mother behind and going, all alone, to my home world so very far away from all that was familiar to me. Mother said to me, ‘Every time you wear this, know I am with you. You are not all alone in this universe.’ It also got her off the hook with birthday gifts, now she just sends me another bottle,” Zoei winked.
"I know you can't possibly understand what it's like to lose someone you love. Well, you seem like you have your act together, like nothing ever bothers you."
“I don’t know a single person who hasn’t lost some one or something that was important to them. Some are just better at keeping their emotions in check than others,” Zoei replied.
"Listening to you talk, Counselor, is like looking in a mirror. You don't show me anything that I don't already know. You only reflect what's already here. I feel your empathy, and I appreciate that, but you have all your walls up, and I can feel that too. Why is that?"
“Ensign, my job is to be a mirror. My job is to focus on the crew of this ship and their needs, not my own. Also, because of my job, it isn’t easy to make friends. You, yourself, were not comfortable going to Miranda’s with me for supper last night. That is fine, I understand that, but you are not the only person who doesn’t want the counselor around them during off hours. Being from Betazid makes it that much worse since most of the time, people think I am striving to read their most personal thoughts. And, Ensign, for the record, you are not the only person who has lost someone on this ship. Do you know anything about Betazid relationships?”
"I don't think I'm the only person who ever lost a loved one," Favor said, taken aback. "I'm just saying, I don't think you're playing fair. You can read my mind. I can't read yours. I tell you what you already know, but you tell me nothing. That's what I'm saying. That's all. And no, I don’t know anything about Betazid relationships."
“Favor, when a Betazid is a child, they are bonded with their future mate. We don’t go through the dating, “getting to know you” process that is so prevalent in other cultures. My mate was genetically bonded to me when I was 5. Since I was on Earth and he was on Betazid, we became something of pen pals. Obviously, it was not easy for us to get together for play dates with that distance. It was normal childhood correspondence. A half page of writing, mostly about inconsequential things, twice a month was how we kept in touch. One day, instead of a letter from him, there was a missive from his parents. A tragic accident, a week of life support, and his young life was snuffed out, like he had never existed.”
“Ensign, people from Betazid are not supposed to develop their empathetic abilities until they are well into their teens. When Betazid people display those abilities early, it is often a sign of other, underlying issues they will have as they grow up. It is not something to be proud of, in my culture. My mother has been in constant denial of my precociousness from the first sign. The first sign, for me, was the day I burst into tears and told my mother my genetic bond was broken. She looked at me like I had lost my mind. She told me to hush and I wasn’t to ever say that again. Ten days later, the missive from his parents arrived. The only way to cope was to become a mirror. Since I wasn’t supposed to be able to feel any of this anyway, I wasn’t allowed to discuss it. Believe me when I say this, Ensign, I know what it is like to lose someone.” Zoei collapsed back into her chair, shocked that she had allowed herself to get so emotionally involved in any conversation. Thankfully, it hadn’t been during a session, but she was going to have to work on her control. This could never happen again. The crew would never be able to show her any respect if she continually spouted off like a possessed person.
"Speaking of losing people, it doesn't look like Bird's going to die after all. I really thought he would," Favor said.
Grasping at the change of subject, Zoei asked, “Bird?”
"Bird, you know who Bird is. You want me to say it? OK fine, whatever! Is this some kind of little mind game they taught you in Psychology 101? Bird is Silvio, and he's my patient. And frankly that's the only reason I care about him." Favor sniffed.
Content to allow someone else the emotional outpouring for awhile, Zoei continued to question Favor. “Why is that the only reason you care for him?”
"Why? What is this, twenty questions? Because he's a smelly, greasy human, which isn't politically correct to say these days, but it's the truth. They all look alike to me, Counselor. How the hell can you tell them apart?"
Zoei smiled, “Practice, Favor, practice. Tell me, why do you call him Bird?”
"Why do I call him Bird? Because he looked like a little broken bird when he came in." Favor, examined her fingernails, and picked some invisible lint off her trouser leg. "He was truly a bucket of guts, as we used to say back in Medic School. I actually felt sorry for him, he was hurting so bad. A bucket of guts held together in a sack of shredded skin. Sorry if I'm grossing you out, Counselor," she added.
“It would take more than that to gross me out, Ensign. Is that what you are hoping for, to shock me with your description of your patient? And, frankly, I don’t believe you when you say you hate all humans.”
"Ok, maybe you're right." Favor looked sheepish. "I don't hate humans, but they're not my favorite species. One of the BEEPS made a promise to my mother, and never kept it, and the death of her hope is what killed her, I think."
“Death of hope killed your mother?” Zoei asked for clarification.
"Yes, did you know that that's actually a cause of death on Risa? Well, of course you didn't. But it is. We're an emotional people, and emotional people who have no reason to hope, die off quickly. Despair is toxic to Risans."
”Do you know who the human is that broke this promise to your mother?”
“I didn't really know him," Favor said stiffly. "But if I ever see his ugly face again, I'm going to bash it with a brick. He killed my mother as surely as if he'd shot her with his phaser."
“Your anger is understandable, Ensign. There is a Betazid out there I have similar feelings for as well. The care you have given Bird certainly shows you do not hold your anger at one human against the entire race, though.”
Favor stood, “That is all I wanted to discuss with you this morning. I will be here at 1700 for our follow up on the MWR programs we discussed last night.” She strode toward the door, anxious to leave the counselor’s office.
Zoei rose from her chair. “I will see you this afternoon, Ensign.”
The door slid closed behind Favor, and Zoei collapsed back in her chair. She leaned her head against the cushions, propped her feet on the coffee table and willed herself to put images of a crushed little boy from her mind.